Nobody Will Ever Love You the Way I Do
Peridot, unspoken heartbreak, and the letters I never meant to share.
Shhh… can you keep a secret?
I’ve always scribbled little notes on scraps of paper — quick thoughts, soft confessions — and then tossed them away.
When I first started falling for my boyfriend (and even after we got together), I wrote dozens of them. Most are long gone. But, I decided to start saving them and I’m compiling them into a book I’ll give him one day — maybe on a random Tuesday when it’s finally full, or maybe on our wedding day!
Today, I decided to share one of those letters. They started as throwaway notes — quiet, scribbled feelings I never planned to share. But now they’ve become the clearest record of love.
Often times I catch myself thinking ‘nobody will ever love you as much as I do’
I find this in itself with a toxic inclination. I fear most people say this in a way to belittle someone; to scare their partner into staying with them. This proclamation is not love, this is a scream to run.
Let me tell you how I mean it in the depth of my heart.
Nobody will ever love you as much as I do because if they do, it will kill me. If someone loves you more than I do, then I loved you wrong.
I can’t live knowing I loved you wrong because it is the only thing in this world I am achingly certain of.
Nobody will ever love you as much as I do, because loving you is living.
Living is not easy, neither is love. But just as breath fills my lungs my heart beats to synchronize with yours. To keep you with me while we're across counties or just in another room of the house.
Nobody will ever love you as much as I do.
When I was a kid, I went with my dad to pick out a pair of peridot earrings for my mom — her birthstone. She gave them back to me last year, passing down the jewelry she no longer wore.
Now I'm wearing them for you, my August born love. I wear them so when people see me, they see a part of you.
Nobody will ever love you as much as I do because you didn’t know you broke my heart and I didn’t know how to tell you. I told you with Peridot clinging to my ears.
Nobody will ever love you the way I do because we make it work. Because no other love is an option.
